Of Guitars and Desire

On Wednesday I bought a new guitar - a beautiful Martin OMC-16RE with a Sitka Spruce top, rosewood sides and back, a Schertler Bluestick pickup, and the 1 3/4" nut width I have been wishing for - and by the time I got home I already regretted buying it.

This incident has reinforced an idea I've had for a long time - possessions don't bring happiness. Unfortunately I got caught up in the desire to have something new, and let that desire overcome my rational mind that was saying "maybe you should wait." I didn't ever even have the brief euphoria of having gotten something new!

I bought my first "real" guitar in August of 2004, when I had decided that I wanted to get serious about playing, and thought that a serious instrument would help me do that. I bought a Martin SWDGT, a dreadnought size guitar made with sustainable wood. I love this guitar, even down to the way it smells when I open the case. The only problem with it is that now I'm getting more serious about fingerstyle playing (fingerpicking rather than using a pick), I've been wishing for a wider neck width than the 1 11/16" on this guitar. I began to really want to get another guitar.

Eckhart Tolle talks about this phenomenon of desire, and how we tend to go from one thing to another in search of happiness. He uses the example of houses - how buying a new house makes a person feel really good for a time, and he might think he has achieved happiness or inner peace or gratification from that possession. Soon enough, however, the mind and ego start saying "just one more thing, maybe a new car to go with the house" and off we go again in the cycle of desire, acquisition, and disappointment.

I started researching guitars again about a month ago, and I made a few visits to guitar stores and played guitars with the neck width I wanted. By the time I got to the local guitar store on Wednesday afternoon, I was at least half convinced that I would leave with a new guitar. I can afford it, and after all, if it helps me become a better player, isn't it worthwhile?

Buddhism teaches that desire is the root of our entrapment in a cycle of human suffering, and the longer I live, the more I believe it's true. I think of the delicious anticipation of every new "thing" I've gotten or achieved - becoming a pilot, getting married, buying new houses and cars, and of course getting bikes and guitars - and the letdown that inevitably comes after the newness has worn off. This is not to say that some of these "things" - specifically my bike and guitar - are very useful tools for expressing myself and finding peace, but they are not me. Not even the more momentous personal events in my history are "me" - not my wedding, not the births of my children. These are very important events, of course, because they brought me into relationship with my lovely family, but they are not me. I am not my story. Desire for and acquisition of new possessions will not make me any more "me."

Perhaps this is why I decided I really didn't want my new guitar before I even got home. Or maybe it's because when I pulled out my trusty old SWDGT and gave it a little workout, I thought "what have I done? I love THIS guitar and I could probably get a new neck put on it." What to do now? The store where I bought the new guitar doesn't take returns. Maybe I'll like it more as I play it more. Maybe someone will read this post and say "wow, that's the guitar I really want!"

Then again, I guess there's always E-Bay.