Keep Flossing

My wife's aunt was killed in an auto accident almost two years ago. She was young and in good health, so her death was unexpected and shocking to the whole family. She provided a lot of care for her older husband and 93 year old mother, so her loss left a big hole in many places.

Caroline had no children, so many of her effects were given to her five nieces, including my wife. Our closet now has a lot of her clothes in it, and when my wife wears them I sometimes feel a wave of regret that I hadn't appreciated Caroline when she was alive.

When we would visit her, I was often frustrated by what I perceived as her lack of time awareness and unconcern for the hour when we ate dinner. I was more focused on getting our kids to bed "on time" than appreciating the languid pace of life in Caroline's world. Dinner was not to be rushed, neither in preparation nor in consumption, but rather was to be savored as a meaningful time for conversation and shared work.

Unfortunately, I let that frustration color my attitude toward her, and I never really appreciated how she lived her life. I fervently wish I had another chance - a "do-over" - so I could make that right and express my appreciation and admiration of her. Because I don't, I floss.

One of the things we got from Caroline's effects was a huge supply of dental floss. My first reaction when I saw this large bag of little plastic boxes was to muse what a pointless activity flossing is when you could get run over when crossing the street on any given day.

While I was in Iraq, however, I rethought that attitude. I decided that Caroline must have been on to something - that flossing is about more than healthy gums. Flossing expresses a confidence in the future, a belief that there will be another day for flossing, and that flossing itself is as important as any other activity that could be undertaken. I started using the dental floss I'd been carrying around for so long, and it became a habit.

I've continued this habit since my return - religiously, you might say. There are many times when I think "I don't have time to floss right now" or "it's just too much bother - what will it hurt to skip this time?" Sometimes I don't do it, but for the most part it has become an important part of my morning and evening ablutions. Flossing is an undertaking that is congruent with my desire to do all things mindfully and with a focus on the process, not the outcome.

Oftentimes I think about Caroline while I floss, and this morning I realized that I don't even know if she was a regular flosser. I bet she was - maybe only because it was the sensible thing to do - but I think also because she knew at some level what I'm learning so slowly - life is a journey, not a destination.

Yesterday I had my teeth cleaned, and for the first time ever I was praised for my healthy gums, rather than lectured about the importance of flossing!

Thank you, Caroline.