Pondering Parenthood

I've been thinking a lot about kids and parenting lately, especially after observing the wide range of behavior (and, implicitly, parenting) displayed at my son's birthday party this weekend. Monday, with marvelous serendipity (God's will? the Tao? coincidence?) I read what two other parents had to say about the joys of parenthood, and both stories resonated with me.

The first one is a post by JField, the Left Coast Unitarian and an e-pen pal of mine while I was in Iraq. His advice on parenting is to relax, don't expect to be perfect, and do what works for you. Amen, brother. His post, and its admonition to be wary of parenting advice from others, makes me think of a quote from a former well-intentioned-unsolicited-advice-giver: "I did my best parenting before I had kids."

The second parental story comes in an e-mail from my good friend Julie, whose son recently graduated from high school. She very eloquently and poignantly relates the birth, growth, and departure from the nest of some baby birds; her story is an apt and moving metaphor of how unbelievably quickly our children grow up, and yet how our love and nurture will inevitably result in their independence and success.

A robin made a nest on the ledge of the drain-spout outside our bedroom window. I watched as she built the nest, sat on the eggs and diligently brought food to her babies throughout the course of each day for weeks. Soon the babies showed their heads. There were four of them and began to be very crowded in the nest. Soon the heads showed constantly, but still she flew back and forth several times a day feeding them as they grew. The nest was in such a precarious position centered on the drain-spout with grass and twigs hanging down each side. The babies were quiet most of the time and really didn't move much at all. the nest never teetered, even when mother bird stood on the edge to feed each one.

One morning I looked out on the deck outside my room and there was a fresh and flufy looking robin sitting there looking around. I realized it must be one of the babies! I carefully opened the door to go out and it took flight. It was the funniest and scariest looking flight right into a nearby tree. It fluttered on the leaves and hopped around until it found a steady branch to rest on. Then it flew down, rather awkwardly to the fence where it rested and looked around. S/he barely made the landing on the fence, but caught herself by fluttering her newly stretched wings. I checked back at the nest and there were only 3, then 2. By the end of the day I saw another baby standing on the edge of the nest and the next time I looked they were all gone.

It made me shutter to think that this (parenting) is all going to be over soon. the leaving is beginning. There are no more lessons to teach, no more wisdom to bestow, just faith in what has taken place and trust that they will always remember where they came from and that they are loved. It is an amazing state to be in. one I am intentionaly holding into a present focus. savoring every moment, loving every minute I can. I never imagined it being like this. my heart is heavy. It has all just flown by.

I'm glad there is a decade before my first baby bird flies away.